my hate!

For so long i had pushed god away, blaming him for the things that had been done to me. my soul became numb and i went down the path of darkness, instead of crying out to go for his love i push and push until i completely blocked him out, i hated god, i really did, i was filled with such a hate that with out the darkness i most likely would have lost my sanity, i embraced the darkness and worshiped it in replacement of god, i was so full of hate, that it blinded me from what could happen if i went down the path of darkness. and as i started down that path, at first every thing was great, i felt happy, (or at least what i thought was happy) then things took a turn for the worst, my family Begin to fall apart, it wasn't until i Begin talking to Cheri hane that i Begin to see what was happening. i Begin going to church and praying, but i started getting depressed because i seen how every one around me was being touched by god in one way or anther, and i felt nothing, i couldn't understand it, Cheri told me all i had to do was ask for god to come back into my life and he would, and i did, and nothing changed, it wasn't until i truly opened my heart up one day at church, and asked Cheri if she would pray for me. which i had done many times before, but for some reason this time felt different. as Cheri and i began to pray, god began reveling himself to me, touching me in a way i had never felt before. as i set there on my knees pouring my heart out, i was the beauty and grace of god, i felt his unconditional love for me, something id never thought id feel ever.

since that day, i haven't been the same.

i feel happier

that hate that i had for life, for god. was washed way so to speak.

and i have Cheri to thank for her love for me. for never giving up on me. even when i pretty much insulted her belief in god so many times.

i want to thank every one from the church, for being by my side,

and keeping me in your prayers even when i asked you not to pray from, because of the hate i had for god. I'm thanking you for not listening to me ^_^

well I'm done.

i know some of this probably didn't make much since, I'm not very good at putting heart felt letters, stories what ever together. but i tried, i felt that i needed to share this. because if it wasn't for you all and gods undying love, i would probably be dead right now.

so thank you all once again

and good night i must head to bed before dad kills me

love you all

and god bless.