You people
you people will never know the pain I go through every day of my life...
I put on a smile to make you happy.... You tell me god can take this pain away ...But every time I pray the pain never goes away...
I just want to know what is will take for my mom to understand that the way I feel does not have anything to do with the cloths/makeup I ware....It is me I am who I am and the things I say the things I do have nothing to do with that...I need her to understand me.......She thinks I am mental....Maybe I am I don't know... All I know is that this pain I feel is intense........
the pain I feel is not a fascicle type of pain it is an inner pain.....
the pain seems to get wears every time my heart gets broken .....You have to think about that a while...I have no heart any more all I have is bits and peaces of what once was a heart.....
all it is now is a empty space that can never be filed.....NEVER......
what I fear the most in life is not death...But disappointing may parents and I know I'm every day....What I hate in life is life its self.
well
TTFN!
posted by beautiful_mistake at 9:30 PM
20 Comments:
You are not alone!
Be true to yourself Michelle.
You are stronger than you know.
Just breathe sweetie.
You are not alone!
Be true to yourself Michelle.
You are stronger than you know.
Just breathe sweetie.
may i ask who you are
Michelle, we all go through pain, of one type or another. I held much inside me for 30 years. Still haven't told my Mom about a certain abuse episode. Never will. I finally let go of the pain of it though. Keep moving forward. It'll get better. It just takes time. More for some, less for others.
i dont mean to sound wrong but do i know you people
You're right. I couldn't possibly understand how you feel or what you go through. But I think that you have a choice. You can either allow this darkness inside yourself to swallow you up until there's nothing left; and you know it will, or you can say "No! This is not how I want to be!" I know you have issues with your family, but they do love you Michelle. They LOVE you!!! I love you too! If you ever feel lonely; like no one cares about you, remember me! And remember God! Remember Jesus! Oh Michelle, you are his pride and joy, his daughter, his princess! His bride!!! He's preparing a wonderful place for you and him! I place where there will be no more sorrow! No more pain! No more lonelyness or fear!!! Oh Michelle, he LOVES you with all he is! Please don't give up! Don't let Satan win the battle over your soul! Fight for it like you would fight in this life! Jesus is with you now Michelle; even as you read this. He wants to hug you; to hold you. Don't run away from him, he loves you. If you were the only person on earth; if you had committed every sin in the book, he STILL would have died for you. Because to him, you are a pricless treasure and the most beautiful person on Earth. Never forget who you are. Never let Satan tell you you're nothing; because HE IS NOTHING!!! HE IS A LOSER AND A JEALOUS LIAR!!! I love you Michelle, and I will never give up on you. I love you.
ANONYMOUS!!!!!!!!!
i am so not beautiful.....
and how am i going to talk to you if i dont know how you are......
i am done with god....he has done nothing for me.....but cause my a life time of pain.......
my heart has been broken to many times....i am done trusting people...i am done with love .....
DONE, DONE, DDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEE!
THATS IT ........I AM DONE! i will never, never trust any one.....
Michelle, I'm no one special. I was just going through blogs. Thought I'd offer an opinion. Since I know a lot about pain as well as well as doubting God, thought I could offer something. If I was mistaken, you have my apologies.
no i was just wanted to know if i knew some of you thats user names i do not """""""""""
ok. I used to go by your town a lot when I drove truck cross country. Now I drive local so I get home almost every night. It's nice to have a life.
well i wouldn't know hao that feels cuz i dont have one....i am a dead soul that cant come back to life//////
Actually, you can. If there's one thing I've learned through all the trials in my life, from being dead to being paralyzed, being molested and being trashed by someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with,I've learned I can always bounce back. Sometimes it just takes longer. I lost my Faith once, as you have now. I later found it again. Stick with it. You have it in you to be or do almost anything. Sometimes the journey of discovery is long, but worth it.
nop
never...never! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!
I DONT CARE ANY MORE ABOUT LIFE OR MYSELF................
I DONT THATS IT
Another thing I've learned is to never say never. I've been proven wrong every time I've said it. Thing is, your folks know what you're going through. They went through it and have most likely forgotten. We all do. I tried suicide when I was in 8th grade. Obviously it didn't work. I took a lot of crap from the other kids at school. Man, we can be nasty heartless gremlins when we're young. A priest who was visiting the school, it was a Catholic grade school, didn't blink when I told him I hated God. His exact words were, and I remember them to this day were, That's ok. God loves you anyway. I'm not a Catholic any more, but I am a believer and follower of Christ. I do not judge you. I only offer you an ear and someone to talk to, as well as my love for one of Gods creations. You can email me anytime. I'll answer as soon as I get home.
well thanx for caring......
Michelle, why do you want to give up on God? God hasn't given up on you. By the way, God isn't the one that is gives you pain...do you know who does it? Satan. Satan doesn't care about you or your life, he only cares about destroying you. Please don't give up on God, he loves you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Much.
I do care, Michelle. When I was where you are, some cared for me. It made all the difference. I can do no less.
Sarah, you are welcome.
well odball i am sorry to disappoint you but i have and that is that.......i still love you though
Well, You'll be in my prayers. I can't make you do anything.
Michelle, It's Swanger here. Remember me?
I found your blog and read how you're feeling.
I believe Satan has been trying to get you to blame God one reason: God has placed a HUGE call on your life.
Jesus wants to do amazing things through you. It's not going to look like what has been done before. But it's going to be something that brings JOY to your life. Joy is something you can only get from God, it's different from happiness. Happiness comes and goes but joy remains stable no matter what.
What God wants to do through you will be unique because your relationship with God will be unique.
You are a third generation follower of Christ and you have a spiritual inheritance. Do you know that?
I'm sure you remember the story of Abraham (grandparent), Issac (parent), and Jacob (child)... God promised Abraham some powerful things, but it was Jacob that actually got to see the awesome blessings. You have that same opportunity placed before you.
Jacob struggled with God, the Bible says he literally wrestled God until he received a blessing.
Michelle, don't be content to be like everyone that thinks they're unique when they look just like everyone else, and at the same time don't be content to be the "perfect looking" church person who looks flawless on the outside, but is completely dry and dead on the inside... they are the ones hurting the most.
Instead, ask God about your identity. God has made you truly unique, let Him show you. Ask Him who He says you are because what God says, NO ONE can take away from us. We can choose to give it away, but it cannot be stolen.
In my life, I need to hold on to Jeremiah 29:11-13 and now I will pass it to you. "I have plans for you... to give you future and hope... when you pray, I WILL listen... you will find me when you seek me with all of your heart."
Michelle, wrestle God and don't be content until you have God's blessing in your life. He WANTS to give it to you.
Write me anytime.
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