the weight of the world!

I don't know why but when ever I'm around my mom its like this big rush of air "really stinky air" hits me in the face and knocks me right on my ass. when ever she's around it like the world is falling apart and all the little pieces are falling on me.
i love her i really do but being around her is not good for my mental state of mind. she literally is driving me insane. we she stats bitching at me i swear i just want to ripe my hair out! instead of showing my anger turds her. i take it out on myself when I'm alone. I'm not talking about cutting myself, " some of you may have taken it the wrong way" I'm talking about scratching and hair pulling and throwing things at the walls.
but anyway, when she's around me i just get so stressed out and depressed. so depressed that i want to cut my self soooo soooo bad but i know i cant because 1) i don't want my sister Jessica to kick me ass and 2) because i don't want to be put in the nut house!.its so hard some times to not cut myself! i mean she drives me nuts. I'm thinking of going in to foster care. because if i have to live alone with here its going to kill me. i mean really kill me. and my dad wont let me live with him. its just getting to the point were I'm going to have to move out! i love my mom with all my heart but i don't want to lose it ether. and that's whats going to happen if i have to live with her alone. so i don't know what I'm going to do. my head is so fucked up right now. mom and dad are trying to make me stop smoking and that's not good because when i do get stressed i normally smoke but their not letting me do that even when i tell them that I'm stressed. all they say is " do we need to go see some one at the E.R" and i don't want to go there again! so i am just going to have to go through this alone. because i cant live with my mom and my dad wont let me live with him and i have no where else to go, so i have to go in to foster care i guess. man i hate life right now. but you know what its all going to get better i know it will because I'm going to make sure of it! I'm not going to let this get me down! so I'm going to go now and have myself a good cry and go to bed and then I'm going to get up and its all going to go away. because it all just a bad dream that it. I'm going to wake up and life is going to be great! n_n
OK so peace out! blessed be ! and rock on!







the pics above are of my sexy fav singer dani filth from cradle of filth!