Ok so, i havent posted on here lately,
i broke up with dan, not too proud of my reasons for doing it, but i did,. and i cant change it now,
Now Im single, and not loving it as much as i thought i would,
Alot of people are hatein on me, becuz of who i am,
i think i lost a friend today, becuz i spoke my mind.
He told me he was going out with this girl, that he knows i cant stand.
and then when i told him what i thought about the hole thing he got pissed and told me not to talk to him so, im going to respect his wishes and not talk to him, i mean really its none of my busynes who he goes out with. but the girl hes going out with is ugly, annoying, and just straight up fucking lame.
i mean in my openion he could do so much better, but hey its none of my busynes,but i cant help but speak my mind its who i am. and im not going to change. and he should know that by now.
but anyway,
lifes not too bad here, besides the fact that i cant get a good man and keep him. i guess i should be use to that by now, but im not. i mean i dont think im ugly or anything. but alot of people seem to think i am. so i dont know maybe ive been lying to myself.
And alot of people seem to be judging me before they get to know me, like this guy at my school, he makes fun of me all the time, calling me fat and ugly an shit and hes so annoying just the shit he says is fuckin stupid. but like i told him the other day, i dont show him respect becuz he dont show me any. but i dont know maybe, things will change as i get older, i know i can be annoying at times, i dont try to be, i think maybe, i should just keep to myself. you know, only talk to people when they talk to me, i dont know im so confused right now, i mean i think im a pretty cool person, but i know i try sometimes to get people to like me and thats what gets me into trouble. i dont even mean to do it. it just kinda happens. but oh well i cant change how people see me. i can only change how i see myself. and i feel like im just rambuling on about shit that no one cares about i mean. really if i think about it, i dont have that many friends , just alot of people who talk to me, becuz they get a kick outa my stupidety.
but im done now, becuz this is basicly a wast of my time, becuz know ones ganna read this anyway, and if they do they wont give two shits. so im out.
peace
<3Missy<3

p.s
i know my spelling sucks, so get over it.

update

ok so i know i havent posted on here for a while,
which really dont matter cuz no ones been reading it,
but anyway,
i broke up with dan,
its not that he didnt treat me right,
or he wasnt a good guy,
but becuz we were too different.
he wanted different things in life,
and we just didnt really click.
were still friends an everything.
but im just to how do i put it.... wild! for him.
but its all good.
well im done for now.
ive been posting poems on ma other blog, check it out.
http://liveforever123.blogspot.com/
later
Missy

new years

Im going home today, as most of you know ive been in indiena (idk if i spelled that right)


New years was pretty awesome, i got to meet some new people, made new friends, and got drunk as fuck with them lol

Not only did all of this awesome shit happen, but my mom had her baby (little baby girl) and i got me a new boyfriend, who is pretty damn amazing. his name is Dan (radness all da way) he's 18 sweet as can be. and i think hes a good change up for me from the losers ive dated in the past. the endless ass holes who just wanted me for one reason alone, and that was to get in my pants.

One guy that pissed me off the most was my last boyfriend (aaron) what pissed me off the most about him is that he didnt even have the balls to break up with me him self. he had one of MY friends break up with me for him, now thats some fucking pissy ass shit right there.

But it doesnt matter anymore becuz i think dan is one of them guys that will treat me right. and thats something i havent had in a while.

Well i have to start getting shit togeather to go home, so that i can get home in time to go hang out with dan. so....i guess ill talk to you all later, love you guys

depression

OK so things with my dad are getting better,

i think hes starting to chill out a little more,

Christmas wasn't too bad,

i have a feeling that some of my family members on my moms side,

don't like me too much,

because of the things Ive done and because i choose to live with my dad,

my mom cant keep her mouth shut about my life.

i don't even like telling her shit,

dad tells her and it pisses me off because she tells everyone,

i don't want her to be a part of my life,

i mean i know shes my mom,

but man i cant fucking stand her,

its like i try so hard to get along with her,

but i cant take it anymore i mean i feel like I'm gonna pop,

all these feeling i keep inside,

no one knows. i cant take anymore,

i cant take lying to myself and my family anymore.

its like i fake a smile to make everyone happy,

and ever time a smile,

a little peace of me dies.

and ever time i see her face,

all the hurt she caused comes back like it had just happened,

i never let her see it.

i always smile and laugh around her,

but this Christmas was so hard on me,

no one knows how depressing it was.

i mean this was the first Christmas that my mom and dad wasn't together.

i mean in away I'm glad my mom and dad are not together,

i don't think that my moms good for me

she was one of the reasons for my depression.

all the lies she told

their never going away

i still have the memory of that night she left,

ill never for get it,

it hurt me so bad

you all will never know.

and i hope u never do

the last look on her face,

the last words out of her mouth

hunt me to this day.

they weir all lies.

well ima go.

laterz

cant take much more of this

Me and my dad are fighting more and more each passing day,

he doesn't appreciate anything i do,

and he keeps throwing the fact that i cant buy my own cigarette's in my face,

its not my fucking fault i don't have a fucking job,

he wont let me get one because if i get a job the check that the government sends me every month wont come anymore.

I'm about to loose my mind, i mean its like I'm nothing to him

like he puts up with me just so that he'll have someone their to bitch at and tell what to do.

its total bull shit.

some times i just think i should run away.

i don't know where i would go or where i would live,

but it be better then spending my life pretty much locked up.

i mean a hardly ever go any where.

mike goes where ever he wants when ever he wants

its not fucking fair

i mean i know hes almost 18 an all but,

fuck I'm 16 and i can take care of my fucking self.

sometimes i wish he would just be one of them dads that don't give a shit

the ones who don't care where their kids go or who they go with.

i would actually have a life if he was that way,

i think I've left the house by myself with a friend like 2 times since i moved here.

i never go anywhere because he don't trust me, i don't care if he dotn fucking trust me its my fucking life ill do what ever the fuck i want to with it,

he cant see that I've changed

i don't do drugs anymore,

i don't slut around anymore,

i hardly ever drink,

i mean what the fuck!

god man i mean i cant even have a fucking boyfriend anymore because he thinks I'm gonna fuck him. so what if i do, its my fucking body.

if i get prag ill deal with it,

i don't need his help, if the check came to me every month i wouldn't need him

i mean I've already been told by one of my friends that i could live with them.

so i wouldn't even need a place to stay, i could pay for my own food and smokes, and anything else i might need because this friend wouldn't make me pay rent, just help with food and shit.

so i mean really id be better off.

i mean i know my dad is going through a hard time and all but shit i just want him to leave me alone, and let me live my own life.

but im done for now,

im just gonna go think for a little bit,

<3missy<3

Went To Court Today!

yeah so i went to court today, and they put me on probation, and they said because of my history of drugs and the severeness of the drugs Ive done, I'm ganna be getting random drug testings, the only reason i didn't get tested today is because the judge felt that i was clean because how great Ive been doing in school. but i know if i would have gotten tested today, i would of failed. and if they test me anytime soon I'm ganna fail. they said if i fail my drug test, I'll be going to rehab. which is stupid because I'm not hooked on nothing... this fucking sucks, now i cant have fun anymore, i have to be home by 9:00pm every night. unless my probation officer okays me being out later. and i have to do 50 hours of community serves. which really sucks!

well yeah that's all i have to say,

how shitty my life fucking is,

the only good thing that come out of this whole day was i didnt go to jail.

so far yet so close

this post is to the one person i love the most,

one of my VERY close friends.

someone who's been there for me through it all.

no matter what Ive done.

he was always right there

he's the kindest, sweetest,

most amazing person

Ive ever had the pleasure to met.

let alone, be friends with.

He always has a way of making me smile

even when i don't want to.

i can be balling my eyes out

and he still finds away to make me laugh.

he's always there for me when i need to talk.

we could be sitting in the same room

look at each other,

and start cracking laughing

about something that happened

a week ago.

i haven't seen him that much

since i moved,

and i must say

i miss him more then anyone.

but no matter how far we are,

we're always so close.

he means the world to me

and with out him in my life

i would most likely be dead.

well i think I'm done FOR NOW!

I'll probably have a norther post later. lol

love you zachy

my hate!

For so long i had pushed god away, blaming him for the things that had been done to me. my soul became numb and i went down the path of darkness, instead of crying out to go for his love i push and push until i completely blocked him out, i hated god, i really did, i was filled with such a hate that with out the darkness i most likely would have lost my sanity, i embraced the darkness and worshiped it in replacement of god, i was so full of hate, that it blinded me from what could happen if i went down the path of darkness. and as i started down that path, at first every thing was great, i felt happy, (or at least what i thought was happy) then things took a turn for the worst, my family Begin to fall apart, it wasn't until i Begin talking to Cheri hane that i Begin to see what was happening. i Begin going to church and praying, but i started getting depressed because i seen how every one around me was being touched by god in one way or anther, and i felt nothing, i couldn't understand it, Cheri told me all i had to do was ask for god to come back into my life and he would, and i did, and nothing changed, it wasn't until i truly opened my heart up one day at church, and asked Cheri if she would pray for me. which i had done many times before, but for some reason this time felt different. as Cheri and i began to pray, god began reveling himself to me, touching me in a way i had never felt before. as i set there on my knees pouring my heart out, i was the beauty and grace of god, i felt his unconditional love for me, something id never thought id feel ever.

since that day, i haven't been the same.

i feel happier

that hate that i had for life, for god. was washed way so to speak.

and i have Cheri to thank for her love for me. for never giving up on me. even when i pretty much insulted her belief in god so many times.

i want to thank every one from the church, for being by my side,

and keeping me in your prayers even when i asked you not to pray from, because of the hate i had for god. I'm thanking you for not listening to me ^_^

well I'm done.

i know some of this probably didn't make much since, I'm not very good at putting heart felt letters, stories what ever together. but i tried, i felt that i needed to share this. because if it wasn't for you all and gods undying love, i would probably be dead right now.

so thank you all once again

and good night i must head to bed before dad kills me

love you all

and god bless.

lifes a funny thing

Well aaron broke up with me today,

lol the funny thing about it is, im not upset.

i guess deep down i knew he was ganna dump me sooner or later,

better sooner then later right. lol

anyways the only stupid thing about the hole thing was, that he didnt even have the balls to break up with me himself. he dad his lil friends do it for him.

so after they came and told me that he wanted to break up with me,

i walked over to him with the biggest smile on my face,

and laughed at him.

i told him, "hahaha is this what you want?"

he said " yep"

i said " ok, but just to let you know, this is the stupidest mistake you have ever made in you pittiful little life"

he just got this look on his face like his mom just died or something,

and i said " but hay its your lose. not mine" and i walked away with a smile,

still laughing inside.

HAHAHA god i love being me!

he'll come crawling back on his knees asking for me back,

and i'll look at him, and laugh and say see i told you

and walk away.

ok well hehe i think i coverd everything so. yeah im done for now, untill tomorow,

love you all

♥Missy♥

video i made of my family

FAMILY

pray for me

i have court Friday..

its my sentencing.

keep me in your prayers this week..

that god will keep his hand on me,

and keep me out of jail.

i really don't want to go to jail,

then again who does.

i am sorry for what i did..

and I'm doing better at controlling my anger.

what ever happens happens for a reason.

so if i do get jail time.

it must be in gods great plan right?

well that's all for now.

love you all and plz remember to keep me in your prayers

<3missy<3

drunk drivers

last night the people of gallatin county ky and me lost someone very close to many people because of a drunk driver that hit her head .. coimin into her lane on 127 people who drive drunk and take the lives of other people should not live.... Sam spade was a very nice and good person she would always do her best to pick you up when you down. her memory will live on in all of us. i know she is watching over us, and smiling down from heaven, she was a good person and she lost her life to someone so stupid, my prayers are with her family.

woot

hay guys,

well so far things are going great with aaron,

He is soooo amazing, its like wow! i cant even

put into words how awesome he is.

He treats me like a princess.

well here a poem i wrote maybe a month ago. let me knwo what u think.

*Missy*

I'll Miss you

I'll always remember that look in your eye
and all your nice words that had made me cry,
its funny really how you dont even care
the way that i felt when you touched my hair
you left me so soon,
i couldnt react to the truth that your love was only an act
now that youve gone,
i can just miss the sound of your voice
and the taste of your kiss.

things that speak to me

PSALM 25:1-5

To you O Lord i lift up my soul. I trust in you, my god! Do not let me be disgraced, or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat. NO one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but ddisgrace comes to those who try to deceive others. Show me the path where i should walk, O Lord; point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the god who saves me. All day long i put my hope in you.

JOHN 14:27

I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace i give istn like the peace the world gives. So do not be troubled or afraid.

REVELATION 22:7, 12

22:7

Behold I come quickly: Blessed is he that keepeth the sayings of the prophecy of his book.

22:12

And behold i come quickly and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.

new boyfriend

awww aint he so cute ^_^

YAY aarons ready for halloween! ^_^

he is so cool, i think i like this kid...lol

well thats it for now.

laterz

<3missy<3

amazing god

last weekend i found the amazing wounder of god,

I sucked up my pride and went and asked Cheri to pray for me,

and at that very moment,

I found something that i never thought i would,

i found love, unconditional love.

a love that is never ending.

god revealed him self to me in such an amazing why,

a feeling i never thought i could feel,

came over me.

a feeling of over whelming love and kindness,

a peace came over me.

since that day i haven't been the same..

i feel SO happy,

like i could dance,

and i own it all to Cheri for never giving up on me. for always being there telling me no matter what Ive done god loves me, she also tought me to never give up, on my self or life. and for that i thank her. she is the most amazing person i know and she deserves the world.

Cheri i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

love always,

Missy

OK so lifes going great. ive gotten back into writing poetry. which makes me happy. ive been going to alot of cancerts such as fall out boy, gym class heros, this fires embrace, nothing less, A7X, and some other ones.

its amazing how happy i am now.. or atleast i try to be. i think moving to grove city has been good from me. getting away from the bad influinces. ive been clean for about 3 months. and i plan on staying that way, ive made new friends,

andrea

julie

kirsten

nick

and some other ppl that i dont have pix of. such as danny, steven, and alix

well thats it for now. love u all

★missy★

The new me.

let the blood flow

Cut it.

Slice it.

Watch it flow.

When you see it,

Then you'll know.

Lick it.

Taste it.

Cut some more.

One last look...

You're on the floor.

Breathe.

Stare.

Gasp for air.

Try to stop me?

Don't you dare.

Wait.

Watch.

Let me die.

1 more second,Then good-- . . . .

p.s

this poem means nothing. i am not in a suicidle state of mind. i am FINE!

in the arms of the angels

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always one reason to feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

Oh beautiful release

Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty and weightless

And maybe I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from hereFrom this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There's vultures and thieves at your back

And the storm keeps on twisting

You keep on building the lie

that you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference

Escaping one last time

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness, oh

This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort there

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

love

oh my god i cant believe I'm in love....Ive never felt this way about anyone before. i cant get him out of my head. he means so much to me. i love him so much. he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. to just hold me in his arms. and tell me it will all be alright. when i think of being with him my heart ponds so fast and my face lights up the hole room. when i lay in bed at night all i can think about is him laying beside me. holding me close tight in his arms.i love this man. if only i could make him see how much i truly love him. he is my world. he is the light that Gide's me through the dark. he is the flame that flickers in the darkness of the night. he is the fire that burns in my soul. he is the only one i want to be with. with out him i am nothing. and to be nothing, is to be dead. he makes me feel so alive, he makes the emptiness i feel go away. he makes me life worth living. he is the reason i live. the reason i would die. he is the light that shines in me. the light that shines so bright its blinding. if i didn't have him in my life right now i don't know what I'd do. i need him, i need to hear his voice. to hear him tell me that I'm beautiful. to tell me it will all be OK. i love this man. and always will. nothing in this world could change the way i feel right now at this very moment. i hope to feel this way for ever.
well I'm gonna go peace out.

~~~~Michelle~~~~