You people

you people will never know the pain I go through every day of my life...
I put on a smile to make you happy.... You tell me god can take this pain away ...But every time I pray the pain never goes away...

I have given 13 years of my life to god I am done trying, crying ,and it hurts to know that you people have to know that when I go to church its not that I want to, I have to.....

don't think that I have gone Goth and turned evil cuz i'm not....

I still believe in god...But I just don't want to feel the pain every time I pray and never never feel a thing, nothing not even a shiver.... ya sure when we go up to pray for other people I shake but that's not cuz I am feeling some thing from god it just cuz I cant stand still that long or I get shaky.

I hope none of you have to go through what I am at this vary moment in time.

please when you see me at church don't talk to me about this I don't want to talk about it face to face it is to pain full.

it is hard for me to say what I'm really feeling to some one face to face, I don't know why but it is easier to do it over the internet then face to face...

I don't understand my life it is so complicated....

I just want to know what is will take for my mom to understand that the way I feel does not have anything to do with the cloths/makeup I ware....It is me I am who I am and the things I say the things I do have nothing to do with that...I need her to understand me.......She thinks I am mental....Maybe I am I don't know... All I know is that this pain I feel is intense........

the pain I feel is not a fascicle type of pain it is an inner pain.....

the pain seems to get wears every time my heart gets broken .....You have to think about that a while...I have no heart any more all I have is bits and peaces of what once was a heart.....

all it is now is a empty space that can never be filed.....NEVER......

what I fear the most in life is not death...But disappointing may parents and I know I'm every day....What I hate in life is life its self.

well

TTFN!

Icons

these are sweet icons


the sweet thing about them is I can relate to them.......

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HERE IS A WARNING FOR ALL OF YOU KIDS THAT GO TO MARYSVILLE PUBLIC SCHOOL...........DO NOT....DO NOT....DRINK OR EAT ANY THING THEY ARE SELLING......


TODAY ME AND MY FRIENDS GOT ARE MILK LIKE ALWAYS WHEN WE TOOK OWR FIRST DRINK WE SPIT IT OUT......AFTER THE NASTY TASTE LEFT ARE MOUTHS WE REALIZED THE MILK EXPIRED LAST FRIDAY......EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Life is to much

some times it feels as if my life is killing me.

some times I try so vary hard to find ways to make the pain go away.

lay in bad last night crying so hard it herd. The pain in my head and stuchik helped me to for get the pain I felt inside. My heart is slowly wasting away and honestly I cant take it any more.some times I just want to give up and die when I remember that mike needs me wither he knows it or not. I love him more thin he knows. i would die for him i just wish he would love me back.

today I got home from school and wanted to craw in to a hole, instead I got on the computer. And typed this.

I only wish that I wasn't in this body. I hate being forced to go to church. it sucks. If I want to go ill go if I don't I shouldn't have to that just makes every thing worse. one day i fear i will snap and lose control and hert some one.=(

well thats alll

TTFN gandma wants me to make dinner

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

blog thing

www.blogting.com

my blogthing test

You Are 20% Happy

You know that there's more to life than how you've been living it. Life can be rough at times, but most of your unhappiness is self-inflicted.

How Happy Are You?

Your Theme Song is Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

"There is no pain, you are receding. A distant ship?s smoke on the horizon. You are only coming through in waves." You haven't been feeling a lot lately, and you think that's a good thing. The comfortable part is nice... but you should really work on numb.

What's Your Theme Song?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 74% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

Candy Cigarettes

You're a total badass, but you don't taste very good.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

You Are 20 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

You Are Amy Lee!

Gothy, expressive, woman-in-pain Who looks damn good in a corset "When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears"

Who's Your Inner Rock Chick?

Your Aura is Orange

Your Personality: A total daredevil, you'll try any thrill. You're easily bored and you prefer to be on the go. You in Love: You see love as an adventure, and you find most men dull. You need a man who challenges you! Your Career: Your ideal job is flexible, fun, and maybe a little dangerous. You have the makings of a private investigator or extreme athlete.

What Color Is Your Aura?

Guys Like That You're Fun

You're the type of girl guys brag about knowing That's because you're cool, funny, and laid back You're smart enough to know how to be one of the guys But flirty enough to know how to make them all want you

What Do Guys Like About You?

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know. From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up. And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

Your Vibe Is Secretly Sexy
Sexy isn't exactly a word you'd use to describe yourself
But you have a quite allure that certain men feel appealing
You don't need to flaunt your stuff to be sexier
A little more confidence in yourself, and you'll really light up a room!

How Sexy Is Your Vibe?

Your Pick Up Line Is

See my friend over there? She wants to know if you think I'm cute.

What Pick Up Line Should You Use?

check it out

http://www.homepagelab.com/design/index.php#

check it out

click on the link below


http://www.freeflashlogos.com/flash-logos/index.php?fi=24&st=29&cat=FlashLogos&pg=4

My dance

ok so I have a big problem! I do not have a date for the dance yet.i would ask oddball but he is family and that just would look weird. Sorry oddball!

I REALLY don't think I look good in a dress they make me look fatter then I am

and for this dance you have to wear a strapless dress and that is a real problem I don't look good with out straps. *sigh* what to do, what to do ......

I mite as well just not go,I mean all my friends have dates!I'll just be makeing a fool f my self .

well just forget it i wont go ........*sits on floor and crys*

TTFN

it's quite possible you are goth if.....

sometimes the angst of the word is just to much.







it's quite possible you are goth if ........

its actually good luck when a black cat crosses your path

out fits

this are some of the outfits i want.......

my formal

this week end I went to my best friends house to spend the night ..... we had a bomb!
we went to the mall and tried on dresses for our formal, witch is in a few weeks.i cant wait .I want to get the dress on the left. I will be posting more pic of the dress that I like. You ppl tell me what you think of them. kkk



well TTFN

breaking benjamin

ok! you guy have to check out this site. its the official site for a band called

BREAKING BENJAMIN........MY FAV SONG OF THEIRS is cold you ppl have to hear it.

here is the link below . http://hollywoodrecords.go.com/breakingbenjamin/

flyleaf

Flyleaf (below)

Here is a link to one of my fav bands.You guys should really check it out .If you go to the site below you will get to sample a few of my fav songs.....

http://www.flyleafmusic.com/

you can also click on the link that says FLYLEAF.

well

TTFN