friday sucked big time... i was sent to the hosbital cuz my mom and dad found a note i wrote when i was really depressed....that not was a suicide note...i wrrite em all the time but its only cuz it makes me feel better. i wasnt going to really kill myself.heres the note i wrote.


tittle: would you miss me
by: michelle bevins

would you miss me if i died? would u hate me if i killed myself? i am asking these Q's for one reason and that reason is because it may be happening sooni cant take much more and i hate my life so why should i have to live it?to : all my friends and loved ones I'm so sorry i had to put you through this. i really am. but i just cant take and more Lie's. i cant take much more of this life! if i don't do this now i never will..and then i will be in pain for the rest of my life....no one loves me like the kinda love i really need. plz don't feel bad 4 me. i really will be happier this way...i will be watching over u all and i will keep you safe ...i think we all know I'm not going to heaven. so don't look 4 me when u get there. because it would be a wast of time. just like my life. a waist of time... i love you all with all my heart and i would never want any of you to have to feel the way i do right now. plz love your self and never comet suicide like i am about to....its not worth it u all have good lives....i am doing this because i hate myself and i have a really bad life...but i am going to go now...i probably wont be back...idk if i will ggo through with it or not..i hope i do tho. love always,Michelle


i wrot that when i was REALLY depressed...but i didnt mean any of it. but ya it sucked. but it was a good thing cuz i got to talk to my mom and have her LISTEN to what i had to say...it was nice for once. well im gonna go now. but i'll be back on monday to tell you more about my day ^_^ love u all.
<3michelle<3

the worst night of my life!

well Cheri you was right about deric.... I cant believe he did this to me....i cant believe you was right...you told me you didn't think i was going to last you told me not to trust him...what the hell was i thinking...i mean i cant trust any one anymore,...i always get letdown ....well more like knocked down. why do people do this to me!!?!?!?!?! i mean I'm a pretty girl and i don't think I'm that bad of a person ....RIGHT? i mean why would some one want to hurt me so bad? i just don't get it. why cant i find some one that loves me the way i love them? every man i have ever met loved me .....but all they want from me is sex and when i don't give it up they give me up. i mean i want to wait for that one spacial person that makes me so happy......i thought deric would be that one special person...i mean the things he said to me made me feel like the luckiest women in the word. he made me feel so free and happy.... i cant believe he did this...AGAIN!!!!!i am starting to think no one wants me...no one cares for me in that one special way that makes them want to fly...i am so depressed right now...i want to cry so bad but it wont come out. why cant i cry? WHY? if i could cry i think i wouldn't be in the mess I'm in right now. if i could die i wouldn't be in so much pain, well I'm going to go, I'm ganna take a sleeping pill and go to sleep that always makes me feel better, but for some reason i don't think it will this time....well here is a few pics i messed with ...bye bye

have you ever by brandy

here is the lyrics to a song i LOVE its not a heavey song its soft and slow....and meningful....

(Chorus:) Have you ever loved somebody so much It makes you cry? Have you ever needed something so bad You can't sleep at night? Have you ever tried to find the words But they don't come out right? Have you ever?
Have you ever?
Have you ever been in love Been in love so bad You'd do anything To make them understand? Have you ever had someone Steal your heart away? You'd give anything To make them feel the same? Have you ever searched for words To get you in their heart But you don't know what to say And you don't know where to start?
(Repeat chorus)
Have you ever found the one You've dreamed of all your life? You'd do just about anything To look into their eyes? Have you fin'ly found the one
You've given your heart to Only to find that one Won't give their heart to you? Have you ever closed your eyes and Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait For that day when they will care?
(Repeat chorus)
(Bridge:) What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby? What do I gotta say to get to your heart To make you understand How I need you next to me? Gotta get you in my world 'Cause, baby, I can't sleep
(Repeat chorus twice)
Have you ever?

COOL PICS I EDITED IN PHOTO SHOP

Your the reason I live and the reason I die your the reason I smile yet break down and cry your the reason I keep going, and your the reason I fall because without you in my life im nothing at all...

She's his golden ticket to paradiseI'm just a cab that's broken downShe's his intelligent coffee girl I'm his decaffinated clown.She's the reason he wakes up in the morningI'm the reason he needs the sleepShe's that girl, his precious pearlthe girl who isn't meShe's goldenI'm bronzeI'm his duckling, she's his swan.She's his entire oceanI'm just a grain of sand by the seashe's the one who's got mr right.she's the girl who isn't me

never say forever cuz forever isnt real*forevers wut u think and forevers wut u feel*so if u say forever plz promise that you'll try*but never say forever cuz forever makes me cry*

ok im not sure any thing is wrong with this but if you would like to tweak it i would love to see what you can do! love yas



the pain will never go away,
the wounds will never heal.
the evil that was done to you,
now seen through your,
eyes seen in your heart,

the blackness of your heart will never turn to gray,
the hardness of your heart will never soften,
the passion you once had for life will never be the same.

time will never heal the wounds,
time will never eras the memory's,
time will never make you whole again,

now that you see what you've become,
after every thing he has done to you,
you see what you truly are:
an angry soul,
lost in sadness and hopelessness,
a child of despair,
lost in a pool of sorrow and heart brake,



be true
by: michelle bevins


know matter what you do, i'll always be true, be true to you, my dear, my love, i stargh at the sky above, and i see a beautiful dove, it remindes me of ur love, the love we once had the love that makes me so sad, so now that we are over and through, all I can do is be true, be true to myself, and know that all the years of love i gave to you was nothing more then a lost dove, a dove that broke its wings and fell to the ground, and died as it lay there and drowned, in its own pool of blood that came trickling down, so now all i can do is be true to you and let you know that we are through

pics from my moms trip to cancun

<<<<<<<, my mom infront of her hotel the hotel
















<<<<<< from the beach looking at the hotel





















<<<< looking at the sea from the balcony















<<<<<> mom by the sea

well things are pretty good around here my mom is on her way home from cancon. so i will be putting alot of pics up from her trip.
but

i hate my life! not faer every one i know has a man that loves them 4 who they are and i have is a man that wants me .....4 sex. i thinking about braking up with him. but i love him and i ddont want to hurt him because to hurt him is like riping my heart out! and i love him more then anyething in the world and i want to de with him 4ever! what should i do? he's the only one that (so he seys) sees me for who i am a beautiful goddess...thats a loud of shit!

any ways here are some cool qoutes i found that i really like.

Some Day You'll Cry For
Me Like I Cried For You,
Some Day You'll Miss Me
Like I Missed You,
Some Day You'll Need Me
Like I Needed You,
Some Day You'll Love Me
But I Won't Love You

I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy,
I’m going to laugh,
so you don’t see me cry,
I’m going to let you go in style,
and even if it kills me-I’m going to smile.


A Million Words Would Not Bring You Back,
I Know Because I've Tried.
Neither Would A Million Tears,
I Know Because I've Cried

When I Look At You My Heart Skips A Beat
But Later That Beat Could Mean A Lifetime Of Tears
Wasted On Something I Knew I Could Never Have

There are times when I cant decide whether to see you or not,
I want to see you because I miss you
but there are times when I dont want to see you because
everytime I do, the fact that you dont see me the way that I see you hurts me even more ...

You're not worth the tears, you're not worth the heartache. I don't know why I give you the time. You're not worth the pain, you're not worth the emptiness. I don't know why I wish you were mine.

Nothing hurts more than realising he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

Never Say" I love you "if you don't really care,
never talk about feeling if they aren't really there.
Never hold my hand if you're going to break my heart.
Never say you're to, if you never plan to start.
Never look into my eyes if all you do is lie.Never say hello,
if you really mean goodbye.
If you really mean forever,
then say you will try.
Never say forever ' cause forever makes me cry


For few love can last a lifetime, but for many not knowing when to let go can hold them back forever.

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control.


It takes a life time to find someone, but only a moment to fall in love.



If in this lifetime, I wont get to have you, I'll make sure that if I meet you in my next life I wont have to think twice on saying that "I waited a lifetime to say I love you..."


If You Love Me Like You Told Me Please Be Careful With My Heart. You Can Take It Just Don't Break It Or My World Would Fall Apart.


Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Love Is Like Quicksand: The Deeper You Fall In It The Harder It Is To Get Out


well thats all i got......love ya
michelle

beautiful nightmare

here is a song i am working on.....i don't have a lot ...just a few lines but here it is.

i look through the window, what do i see? darkness staring straight back at me,
i look in to the mirror, what do i see? a hideous monster .....in the form of me!

BAND

me and savannah are starting a band we have choosen the name
"BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE" her is the band cd cover i made for the band.... i still need to make a logo ....



we and V are trying to write some songs but im haveing a righters black. if you guys could give me some help i would really love u for it!!!!!

yepyep

ok well today my mom is leaveing to go to cancon ....she will be gone for at lest a week....so my dad will bw staying with us....>_<
she may be a pain in the ass sometimes but im gonna miss her ^_^
but here is a weird storie i got from my sister in an email.


This explains why I forward jokes.


A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.



After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.


When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.



When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"



"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.



"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.



"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."



The man gestured, and the gate began to open.



"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.



"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."



The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.



After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.



As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.



"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"



"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."



"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.



"There should be a bowl by the pump."



They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.



The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.



When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.



"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.



"This is Heaven," he answered.



"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."



"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."



"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"



"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."



Soooo...



Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.



Maybe this will explain.



When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.



When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.



When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.



Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?



A forwarded joke.



So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.



You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime

shit happens

OK well I'm really bored and i just got off the phone with my best friend "Liz" she was crying because he boyfriend well ex-boyfriend was fighting with her and then i called him up and said "look u stupid fucking fagot! don't u EVER lay a hand on my girl (Liz) ! if i ever hear about u disrespecting her again and asking her to do inappropriate things i will hunt you down and snap no no chope Ur fucking dick off my self! got it ass hole!" after that he didn't say much and he hasn't bothered her yet and if he does.......its not going to be pretty. well there is a little something right there I'm sleepy so I'm going to go...PEACE OUT!