dezdemona

dezdemona

sweet love of black

i love these pics ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

sweet ahhhhhhyay

New site

Go here javascript:ol('http://www.dezdemona.zoomshare.com/'); i have my own chat room o there I'll be on when ever I can if you post a time you'll be on I will set it up...............

Today

today was a good day except when I got is this fight with this one guy because he
hit one of my friends and that is wrong

check it out

go to this site to see all the cool anime pics i've found wwww.dezdemona12.blogspot.com

Confess

Today is the day that am going to show you people the real ME............

I never am me around you guys I don't know why but I am so diff around you .......

I am B.I if you dint no what that means it means "I like girls and guys"......
I have had this talk with my mom and dad ....And Mrs and Mr Pharr.....They have all told me that if I go that way I will be screwing up my life and so on ........

But I can not help the feelings I have for my own sex....

I am only telling you guys this because I am no longer ashamed of it ....

If you guys and girls don't want to hang with me any more or if you do and act all weird around me then you are not real friends.....And the name I choose for me ...."desdemona" I know the meaning and I am liking the way my life is going with it .......
my friends at school are just like me ......I have never felt so liked in my life

I know that you guys are like not all in to dating and having boy/girl friends but I am I need to feel loved and not feel like I am so ugly I have a thing about my self I am not happy with my body and feel that I am the last person any one would want to go out with.i know I sound like I'm complaining.but I just want you guys to know how I feel


I know oddball said he would go out with me if we wasn't cusses....lol......

ok i think that is all for now bye bye

my new name......

my name is no longer michelle .................. its desdemona..................yes yes yes that is my name

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Well people today was a day of pain and anger......


what I had to put up with today was just messed up.....


man alive I cant take any more of this poop.....LOL

I am up to my eyeballs with this shit ......Sorry about the bad word......

has any of you people felt so "p"off that you wanted to cry but I couldn't ?

well that's how I feel just about ever day......

I know that you people are most
likely going to tell me that if I pray for god to help me with that he will......well I don't think so......

well yeah u am going to go now so tata for now

my pets

??????????????????

can any of you guess what song this is and who sings it???????????????



wake me up inside {repeat 2}

call my name and save me from the dark.

bid my blood to run before I come undone.

save me from the nothing I've become.

..........................What song is this and who sings I....................???????????????

questions

1. What is the difference between life and death?...........

we are and always will be in hell. So why do we fight back?

2.what is death do we really know the meaning or do we think we do?

3.what is life...........

4.what is hell do we really know or do we think we do?Yes in the bible "revelation 20:10-15" it said that hell is a lake of fire..................

5.how do we know god id real?

6.how do we know that some guy didn't make up the bible in his spare time?

these are just six of the many questions I have for you people .....................










this is my pup ..................

A new poem

I have not been able to write poems for what ever reason............................
I just cam up with this one.......... I think it kind sucks but you tell me what you think....................




black eyes

I look into your blackened eyes only to see all
your pain and suffering.

like a black hole, sucking up all your joy , intel
Thayer is nothing but pain and misery.

I look into the darkness and
in the darkest shadow I see you there
hiding away in the corner.

hoping no one will see you there a tangled
mess of pain and lies .

every time I look into your eyes I see darkness, pain,
and misery in your blackened eyes

earth to vannah

so how are you ??????


i am kinda not the same as i was the last time you seen me ...........



vannah read my poems plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............................and tell me what you think.......


sarah you got in a crash........................................................ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow....... =0

me now

this is kinda what i look like now ............this pic is about 3 mounths old ..........i am more gothic looking now

when i was a prep

that is so not me now ......................

my family

my family

this is my mom. She tries to under stand me and help me with my problems.......But she cant ....No one can I have to work these things out my self.......She is a good person although she can be a pain.................... I love her with all my heart......

this is my brother.........His name. he is mike is a real pain in the butt.....................He is a big , big metal heas just like me.................

this is my daddy.He is a realy nice person ......well when he wants to be.......lol

he is always teling me that he and i are alot alike because we dont take shit from any one.............lol

this is my little sister ................her name is lilly ..........god i love her but she is such a pain in the ass...........but all little sisters are right.......lol

this is my little brother ...............his name is luke......................he is a big, big cry baby...........i love him but he crys way to much...............

this is lauren........she is my little sweet heart ................she is always wanting me to holed her ,...............awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ..........lol

1/20/06

<<<<< this is me as you can see i am not a hot mama..........















this is me and my cuz ........................




well its nice to know that you people like my poems .........................


got to go bye bye



i will be posting more poems later

self hatred

Self Hatred

I I used to try to deny this,
I had it down to a science,
This hate so simple and pure,in
everything I do I'm unsure.

Leaves me here,
worn out and tired,
or the opposite,
jumpy and wired.
Either way my life's been betrayed,
broken down, messed up, delayed. Now I've accepted it,
no need to pretend.It was not, as they told me, a trend.
For I've overcome my teenage
years,and it still lives and breathes in my tears.
o I'll feel this until I die,and there's no use wondering why.
Self hatred I have I know well,and I am forever under it's spell.



i did not write this poem ...........
i got it off the net...........

me

Me In my dreams I don’t look like this
Take me out of my skin
and place me where I belong
Somewhere elseI did not become so
tragic and so darkFor funThis is what is inside
meHiding behind the habitAnd I don’t have to
explain the reasonTo anyoneI lower my head to
cover my eyesHide my face from the worldI tug at my clothes
And itch in my skinWanting to pull into myselfAnd disappearBecome the
thoughtsAnd feelingsIntangible thingsSo that none may see me
But rather an ideaA conceptOf who I think I should beWhat I want to beBecause
no matter if I starve myselfOr let loose my anger in a floodTo release all the energyProductivelyI will never see myselfAs something b
eautifulAnd I will never be at a placeWhere I can love who I am

i weep

I weep
what is this that is overtaking me again?
Where does this come from?
i know it's always there,
sometimes forgotten,
what brings it to the surface for me?
Facing the harsh realities,
that I spend 90 percent of my time denying.
I am ugly,I am scarred,I am angryand I am hard.
I am loved yet,never loved myself.
Even before there was reason,good reason,I still hated me.
Now in the face of all theconcrete proof of my flaws,I weep.
It can only go downhill from here....

hate

Hate
Why am I dancing around the issue?
I want to fucking die.
I hate my mind,
obsessed with trivialness.
Circles, circles,
I get nowhere for all my pondering.

I hate my body,
every changing, ever aging,
No matter how close to their standards I get,
I will never meet my own.
I hate my heart,
it breaks every day,
a thousand tiny cracks,
letting bitterness seep through.

i did not write this poem ..................
i got it off the net............

death

Death
Death, you are my sweet love,
come and give me your cold embrace...

Wrap your icy arms around me,hold me,
kiss me till I die...

Let me feel your cold touch,feel you,
feel death of my flesh...

Release my soul from this agony,give me freedom,
let me die.

i did not write this poem .............
i found it on the net................

afrad of the light

afrad of the light
by michelle bevins
I lie here quietly engulfed in silence,
Coveted by the blanket of the night,
For I do not fear the darkness,
But am terrified of the light.

Protecting me and guarding me,
A place to go to hide,Someone to keep me company,
A friend in which to confide.

Light which leaves me naked and exposed,
And shines too harshly upon my blackened eyes,
Showing me to the entire world,
A tangled mass of pain and lies.

I wish to be embraced my darkness,
The only thing to hold me tight.Because I do not fear the darkness,
But I am terrified of the light

you keep trying

You Keep Trying
by michelle bevins
Day after dayTrying to make it go away
Anything you can do to make it better
Hanging on to the things that matter

Trying hard to keep it real
Trying hard not to feel
Keep it up, flash that smile
You can make it, one more mile

This is now and it's all you get
Make it count and win the bet
All you can do now is tryAnd keep in
mind a reason why

Something to live for, something dear
Someone you'd die for, someone to care
There's not so much in this placeTake
what you can get and fill the space

poem

Endless sleep
by:michelle bevins
As I fall in to this endless sleep,

I m dying but yet it feels so sweet,

I should be sad but I am glad.

All this pain and fear will all disappear

No sad ness
No more pain
No more of this fucking game.

As I go into this endless sleep I will not weep.
For all my pain and despair will all disappear.




some of the poems i write suck but some of them rock too =)

my first blog =)

hay people whats up.................... nuthin much here just chillin and bang'n my head to some heavey metal music........................here we go i am going to tell ya whats going on in the hell they call my life.........oh and some shit about me........i am a loner i dont really like to be around people. this past month i have been to hell and back i was picked up by the cops got in a big fight with my family unfortunatly i have really screwed my life up.i have never been more depressed in my life. have any of u ever felt like dying thats the way i have felt my hole life .like i was dying over and over again every day. feeling like the pain will never go away. like no one cares and i am all alone in this world, no shoulders to cry on. no one that feels the way u do no one that can relate to any thing u are going through in your life. feeling as if you have fallen in to this never ending hole and no one can help you. well and thats about all i got for now.
i will be posting my poems on here so yeah
bye bye


this is my fave band